TOUR DIARY pt. 3 of 3
Milwaukee tonight. The Schlitz will flow like blood.
I just want some silence..
The lesson of humility will only come with humiliation.
I want happy ending, slay the dragon, save the princess. Ect ect ect “where’s my John Wayne…where have all the cowboys gone?”
The Milwaukee hotel is where spiders go to die, welcome to my first night of sleeping in the van.
Three more shows and then the long drive home #thuglyfe
I needy batteries charged and my wheels shined.
Dreg is talking to his kid on the phone. I’ve heard everyone making personal calls daily. The only calls I make are to the hotels and the venue. If I had someone in my life would they want a daily check in or would they be glad to have me out of their hair? I am such a spinster.
Just taught Suzie about electricity. When in a band always know how to trouble shoot your gear. It’s like the army field stripping and cleaning your gun “there are many other rifles like it but this one is mine" once a lightbulb bug creature sang me a song about how I "Gotta play it safe around eeelectriccityyyy" or maybe "I am in a world of shit”
I’m fussy like a toddler. My feet hurt sooo fucking bad! I come from a long line of curmudgeons WC Fields, Grumpy, House, Oscar the Grouch, Tom Waits, Nick Cave.
There are no woman in the audience tonight.
I lost a belt size, I hope I don’t find it when I unpack.
Milwaukee got weeerid.
Going to sleep in the van. If I disappear…
Went to the mars cheese castle and told stories about how fucking weird the Milwaukee show got and how much fun we all had. I told the story of how we all almost died and what drunk jackasses they were in Cleveland. Abby fell asleep on the toilet. I feel asleep drinking coffee, mid sip. The girls and I slept all day in the van by all day I mean drive hours. I needed that. I feel charged and less grumpy. Last night’s Milwaukee weird was good for the soul but I needed sleep. I have no idea what to expect at tonight’s Fort Wayne show.
I’m fine with dying alone.
I’ve seen every season, so much concrete and nature on the road.
I am a road warrior.
My two favorite movies of all time are Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
Every day is exactly the same.
I stood in a parking lot of a hotel (connected to a strip club) till 5:30 am with a middle aged black man named Parker with five kids. He lives with his grandparents who he’s caring for. He had a date at the hotel but she had passed out. He was coked out and looking to score but his dealer wouldn’t come to the bad side of town so he shared his vodka and Kools with me.
I slept in the van. It was so cold the widow frosted.
Sxting is a thing and I want dirty pictures to show up at random.
I put 50 cents in a toy machine. This is the first novelty item I’ve bought all tour.
Michael flipped out and started punching his seat belt mid conversation then he took us on a rural adventure aka an alternate route. I was driving he was co-piloting. We almost ran out of gas and ended up in a town so small the grocery store was the gas station. It was in the middle of a corn field. I am terrified of rural areas. This is the plot of a horror movie.
The Amish are everywhere making hay.
Tonight’s the last night of the tour. Our cover story of condoms and orange soda has gone flawlessly. The girls are oblivious to the coming prank…
I did not know the Bates Motel was a motel six run by Indians in London Ohio.
Mama I’m coming home.
I’ve rated the quality of so many retention ponds along the highway that I’m starting a website ratemyretentionpond.com
Last night shit got craaaay. After we pranked the girls during their set with silly string and made it rain dollar bills they came up during our set. I had a tampon soaked in jagermeister in my mouth. The girls got up on stage and fed us shots they brought up their instruments and pantomimed while we played.
I love the fall I’m a Halloween baby. I’m a spectator and a contemplator less of an instigator or participator around all hallows eve.
I heart sluts. I loath slut shaming. my pussy my choice. Sexy costumes are great but they are just costumes. Be sexy year round. Be comfortable with your body.
home. sore. alone. editing audio. laundry.