TOUR DIARY pt. 2 of 2
"Push all the buttons, Press all the keys." I kept dreaming this hook to a dance tune.
"Oh I’ve shit in many a corn field in my day".
The band can not figure out how to use an electric stove. Fail.
Slept on a carpet that smells like burning hair. It could be this rug glue is breaking down and the chemical mixture has killed the last of my brain cells.
I just laid in an empty hot tub on the phone. The way our voices reverberated was both sad and sexy.
Don’t look now but that beetle is drunk on rum. Go home beetle you’re drunk!
Remember that time I fought a giant beetle with a lawn gnome? Yeah me neither.
I dreamt my jacket was stolen and when I was beating the shit out of the bloke who did it he turned over the content of my ex’s purse sans money (ie identification card, bank card, drug store card ect). The lesson to this story is always sleep in your jacket and boots and you will sleep well.
It’s like the parent trap except with more ass play.
Looking for that perfect gift that says “I was at a Goodwill in Dayton Ohio”
Dayton you are pretty alright plus your porn is hella cheap.
Late at night it is important to find the right gas station ring.
I am not sleeping in this shit hole.
Josh needs a new shower curtain #secretsanta
Despite the potbelly pig trying to bust down the door I slept amazingly well in this dilapidated black panthers house. Yes its haunted.
Guitar center, as good a place as any to take a shit.
-Some construction encounter Josh and Ivan at a gas station-
Construction worker number one: “Ya’ll gowin’ twe that Mötley Crüe concert?”
Construction worker number two: (snicker-snicker)
Ivan Russia: “We are a motley crew”
Josh: blank look of no fucks given
-Leave gas station, get back in the truck.-
Ivan: “Um…were they trying to start shit?”
Josh: “maybe…I think so.”
Josh “yep. They sure told us.”
Ivan “Actually…they asked us and we told them.”
St. Louis alley: big old cockroaches and a possum with its own zip code and a switch blade.
Grease fire? Yeah I got this. Let’s just keep this between you and I, ok.
I am in the van with Dr. Dan the Pancake Man.
God damn raccoon bit me.
home. time to help the lady move.